He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
