a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
PANTIES FOUND
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
