Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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