go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
