I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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