Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
