Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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