Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
