I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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