we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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