I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
