We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
