Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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