I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
