Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
