Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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