you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
