that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
