thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
