Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am naked and annoyed.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
