im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
