Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
