Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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