chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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