small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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