I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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