a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
