i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
