Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
