Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
