All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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