I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
