I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wear drunk well.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
