If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
