this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
