just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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