His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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