Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i wish my penis had a tongue
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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