He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
