I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
