I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
