my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
