yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
