I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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