Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
