It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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