Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
