My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i out mim tonsoeep
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
