i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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