it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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