I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
