We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
