I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
