Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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