Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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