So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
