i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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